How to ask effectively

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How to ask effectively

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

Communication skills, soft skills, business, confidenceHow many times have you wanted to ask someone for something but to afraid to ask incase you dont ask effectively? Most people have an in built fear of hearing the word NO. My Father always used to tell me “if you don’t ask you don’t get”. How true this is. You would be amazed at the reaction you will get by straight forward asking for exactly what you want. Ask exactly but in a nice way so there is no confusion to how it can be interpreted. The person being asked must be under no doubt of what you are asking.

Whilst working with Dr Bandler (co inventor of NLP) many years ago he quite rightly stated that we Brits have a habit of going round the houses to ask a simple question or give an explanation to why we can’t have/want/to do something. We are excellent at talking ourselves out of things we would like to have or do. The inner saboteur is so strong within and if allowed to get it’s own way all dreams and wishes drift out of the window!

TECHNIQUES

There are ways of asking and other ways of asking, the sales people reading this may well know all about those, for the rest of us I will explain.

By softening the asking it will be accepted in a more approved way than if just telling. For example if I wanted someone to move a car blocking the road and the person is just sitting there so that I could not drive past I might tap on their window and say something like
“Hello ( with a smile and nice tonality), I am just wondering how long it might be before you move as I would like to get past please?”.

This is a much more acceptable ask than sitting there waiting for the person to move, getting impatient and losing your rag, shouting at them to get out the ******* way! – all that does is raise your blood pressure and rile the other person who will then probably do something else to wind you up further!

Communication is the name of the game. When teaching NLP at the Practice (which I do with small groups) one of the things I teach is how to use various techniques in communicating with different types of people in different situations to bring about a positive reaction.

 

TYPES

By types I mean those that communicate via different senses – listening, seeing, or kinesthetically.

We all have a preferred way of communicating and the key is to find out which one the listener uses.

For instance, a listener, or auditory-orientated person may say to you “I hear what you’re saying”.
A visual will say something like “I see what you’re saying”, whereas a Kinesthetic will say something like “I get the feeling of what you’re saying”.
By adjusting to their language you will find that communication between you will become easier.

When talking to a group of people it is wise to use all three modalities (well there’s actually 5 but I am only going into 3 here) to make it inclusive.

This is so effective in many areas of life, not just in the working environment – its essential in your private life as well! If you are not using the same underlying language you are not singing from the same song sheet!

To enhance your communication skills sign up to one of our courses today and I will look forward to seeing you there.

 

 

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Soft skills for teenagers, Crediton, Exeter, Devon,UK

Blog posts

Our Leaders of the Future – lacking soft skills

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

Hello everyone, hope you are enjoying this wonderful summer. The long holidays for the young folk are already here for some and about to start for others. Just thinking about our leaders of the future as it’s such an important time for them. Lately I have been working with quite a few 6th formers who are preparing to take the next step in their future, be that onto Uni or out into the work place. It always amazes me how most are so un prepared at this stage, they are either looking forward to a long lazy holiday or maybe thinking of applying for a job. As our future Leaders this can be a startling realisation of how laid back they are and some times down right flippant about their future! Its the great wonder if hormones in most cases as most parents will know! Most it would seem are lacking in soft skills which is very worrying as its so important in business these days.

Recently my colleague from the Kings School in Ottery St Mary Devon (where I have frequented many times to help the youngsters) brought an article printed in the Independent news paper to my attention titled: School leavers ‘lack skills for work’

Apparently one in three business leaders are concerned at youngsters’ poor attitude to work, while more than half (52 per cent) are dissatisfied with school leavers’ communication skills.

– Business leaders called for schools to better prepare young people for the world of work.

– John Cridland, CBI Director-General, said: “Businesses feel very strongly that the education system must better prepare young people for life outside the school gates, or risk wasting their talents. The journey from school towards the world of work can be daunting, so we must support schools and teachers to help develop the skills, character and attitudes students need to progress in life.”

Obviously I have to agree as this is the very things I go into schools and colleges to coach youngsters on – those all important soft skills. These days it is not enough to have great exam results the young folk need to know how to work in teams and alone, they are expected to have good communication and time keeping skills. They need to be on top of their game, knowing how to dress accordingly, how to conduct themselves in an interview and the all important C.V.

I have coached in many colleges and schools where the young folks have no idea that they even possess some of the skills to write on their CV’s. Having played in a team at school can count as team work, dog walking, paper rounds or waiting at tables are using many skills which they are not aware of. It gives me so much pleasure when I ask them if they have used communication skills and they say no – to realise that actually they have and been developing them along the way! They just need the confidence and the know how to make the best of themselves.

You owe it to your young folks to have the best start and have the best future that they possibly can – ask me into your school and colleges or ask about one to one sessions to coach your young leaders of the future or better still enrole them on our soft skills for teenagers summer course 

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Building Confidence course Nr Exeter Devon UK

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7 ways to increase your confidence

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

It never stops to amaze me when I am talking to company directors, CEO’s, HR folks through to the person on the shop floor how lacking in confidence they can be. The higher up in a business a person is the more they try to hide it and suffer in silence, true what they say – it can be lonely at the top!

There are so many people suffering in silence from lack of confidence, you would be surprised, in fact what seems to you to be the most confidence person can really be quaking in their boots at times!

Isn’t it Funny how sometimes you can feel relaxed and comfortable in some situations yet in others a nervous wreck! It can almost be down to the mood you feel in at given time. Be good to know how to pull it out of the bag when you most need it wouldn’t it so here are 7 tips which I hope will help you along your way.

1.Check your inner voice, is it telling you positive things or pulling you back with negative jibber jabber? If its the negative voice you need to dispel those thoughts and turn them into positive affirmations. E.g. “I cant do it” into “I can do it”. The more you tell yourself you can do something it will condition your mind to believe it.

2. Adopt a good posture. Stand up straight, shoulders back head up, chin out slightly. Look forward not down, positive confident people always look ahead or up. Relax and remember to breathe!

3. Use your imagination to visualize yourself being a positive person. See yourself as a confident positive person doing things you want to be doing. This helps to program your brain into thinking that you have done it before.Your brain does not know the difference of visualizing and actually having done something,so when you actually come to do whatever it is you have been visualizing your brain will think you have done it before.

4. Learn to say “No”. I bet you are always being asked to do do favour’s for others if you lack confidence. People lacking confidence have a tendency to please others to gain self gratification. We all love to be liked, however it is important to realise the difference of being genuinely liked and being taken for granted otherwise you will be a doormat and forever running around after other people getting nothing in return but worn out!

5. Read up on self confidence. Paul McKenna wrote an excellent book called Instant confident which also has a CD inside to listen to that I highly recommend or of course Build your confidence CD! The more you educate yourself about something the less fear it will hold over you.

6. Take a course (ideally with me!) in learning how to become that confident person trying to come through. Most achievable things in life are all about having the confidence to do it. You can learn some really useful techniques to help you overcome your fears and find whats holding you back.

7. Get out of your comfort zone. Be brave and take the plunge. Once you have achieved something you thought you could never do, no matter how big or small it will start to increase your confidence.

Well I hope you find these 7 tips helpful and begin to let that confident person shine though. For professional help TBC Training run one day courses on confidence building in Crediton near Exeter, Devon or bespoke for your company which can be held in house. Please contact us for further information or to book onto our next fabulous course please follow this link. http://tbctraining.co.uk/courses/building-confidence-at-work-course-exeter-devon-uk/

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Dealing with the unexpected.

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Dealing with the unexpected

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

Walking along a beach in Barra Scotland recently I came upon an unexpected scene! These cows were quite happily standing on the beach minding their own business, having clearly escaped from an a joining field where the fence was down. It made me think about how we deal with things when we come across unexpected situations, which can take us by surprise! Do you find the unexpected throws you into a panic or are do you deal with situations calmly?

Meanwhile…The big black heavily muscled bull was approaching over the fence onto the beach and I can tell you I had to reason with my mind….”he’s only interested on his lady friends on the beach and his territory” I am thinking. Having had run-in’s with cows in the past it was a very uncomfortable situation for me I can tell you! There was only one way forward so I had to think positive and keep going. Listen to that inner positive thought and keep going! I looked back to see the bull tottering very tentatively over the stones down to the beach and realised he was no threat to me!

We may think we are control most of the time until something unexpected happens – then its down to how we perceive the situation and how we deal with it that counts!

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Exam nerves & Anxiety

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Youngsters suffering with Exam Nerves and Anxiety

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

Are your Young folks suffering with Exam Nerves and Anxiety? 

Unfortunately our modern day lifestyles pile pressure on to our children from such a young age with ‘Learning Journals’ from the age of 2.5 documenting every tiny development to ensure that they are ‘on track’, to exams and assessments from the age of 6.

Such situations can increase anxiety in a child, however well rounded they may appear to be.  A developing lack of confidence could come from a 7 year old receiving a lower grade then their best friend, to a GCSE student feeling under pressure to study and achieve so as to fulfil expectations.

At such a young, impressionable age, care must be taken to ensure children remain happy and emotionally stable if they are to achieve success at life, not just at exams.

Schools which push too much pressure on to their children can ironically end up with lower results suggesting that emotional needs must start to be met and considered to be as important as maths and english.

Child line have revealed that there has been a dramatic increase in calls from children with anxiety issues over their exams, and shockingly, 43% of the pupils receiving at schools in the UK are under 11!

The high percentage of 13 years olds I am helping with anxiety and exam nerves at the moment speaks for its self. They have so little time to themselves now what with with piles of homework, revision and the added pressure to “do well” that they put on themselves it can all become to much. They are becoming so competitive and unable to understand if they feel they are under achieving- very worrying. Its not always the school/college or parents putting pressure on it is usually the youngsters themselves. So what can be done?  Very often by the time the young folk reach me their confidence is very low, they are very anxious and just need to calm down and learn how to relax and sort things accordingly. When I teach them coping techniques and self hypnosis – (which they all love!) it makes them feel in control and have the tools to help them through difficult times such as exams. I would be more than happy to help your young folks – you can either e mail me on teresa@tbctraining.co.uk or phone the office on 01363 775935 and arrange a good time for me to phone you for a chat. I treat children from 8 years upwards – look forward from hearing from you. Teresa.

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Blog posts

Are you getting a good nights sleep?

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

Are you getting a good nights sleep or laying awake looking at the ceiling?

I wrote this a few years ago but some things don’t change so thought it worth a re visit! Many business people I have spoken to have reported not getting a good nights sleep as one of their top problems. We all know what its like having to concentrating the next day at work and finding it really hard due to being tired. How different it feels to wake refreshed and ready to hit the ground running after a good nights sleep.

Sleep problems are often caused by anxiety and stress related issues. They can be viewed as bad habits and, like all bad habits, can be unlearned and replaced with good habits; i.e. falling asleep easily and enjoying a proper night’s sleep.

Sleep problems usually fall into two categories:

Not being able to fall asleep at night.

Waking up at an inconveniently early hour and not being able to fall asleep again.

I think most of us have had this experience at some point in our lives but for some it is a chronic complaint. I am proud to say that I have helped clients who had been suffering for some 20 years or more.

For some tips on how to get a good nights sleep

Listen to our free  Sleeping problems podcast here

Insomnia can be seen as difficulty getting to sleep or waking in the early hours and having trouble getting back to sleep. Interestingly it seems to be more common in women than men, it is thought that up to a third of adults in the UK have insomnia at some point and seems to be more of an issue as we age.

It is quite difficult to know what is a normal nights sleep as everyone is different, some only need a few hours as in Mrs Thatchers case (only about 2hrs) and others need a good eight.

The most common factors that can be blamed for insomnia are stress and anxiety and seem to be the main culprits. Once the root of this is conquered good sleep hygiene can commence. Because your unconscious mind has learnt to stay awake from a formed habit it thinks it is the thing to do when you go to bed, this is something that we can change with hypnosis. We have a high success rate for treating insomnia.

The most common symptoms of insomnia are:

Finding difficulty getting off to sleep

waking up early in the morning

Waking in the morning feeling as though you have not slept and feeling irritable, tired, and finding yourself unable to function and focus during the day.

So what is sleep and why do we need it?

Sleep is a natural state of unconsciousness where we all need to spend some time in order to let our body repair and rest. Whilst you are sleeping your body goes through cycles of light, deep sleep and dreaming (although you may not remember dreaming), other wise known as rapid eye movement (REM). These cycles last on average around 90 minutes in duration. Lack of sleep can lower your immunity and lead to other complications.

 How we can help you?

By giving you techniques to help with both categories of sleep problem we can help you to improve your sleep patterns significantly. This in turn will alleviate the indirect effects of sleep problems, such as daytime anxiety and bruxism (teeth grinding during the night).

Phone us on 01363 775935 or email teresa@tbctraining for more details. We look forward to hearing from you.

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Happiness exeter devon

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 4 Secret Steps to finding true happiness

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

 4 Secret Steps to finding true happiness

Isn’t it strange how we all crave to be happiness and are all happier when we have a label attached to us, be that Mum, Dad, CEO, Bank manager, shop assistant etc?

Some people wander through life not feeling happy, knowing where to belong, never finding true happiness and fulfilment – that’s what it’s all about – knowing where to belong and what will make you happy and fulfilled in life. Following your own values in life is so important. Many people that I have coached over the decades have never reached their full potential and have bumped along in life unsure of the direction they are going in, they just can’t seem to see or feel where they fit or achieve the goals they do set and start procrastinating or failing.

This is often because they have not stopped to discover their own values in life, what’s really important to them. Maybe their parents or colleagues advised them to do this or that in life to “get on” and have a secure job. Unfortunately for them by doing this they have been following their advisors values not their own, so they get lost along the road, never achieving anything or being extremely unhappy in what they are doing.

So heres 4 Steps to help find happiness

Step 1.Think about what’s important to you, what do you really care about and hold dear, what do you see as the most exciting thing in your world that you would like to achieve, what’s your passion in life?

Step 2. Write your ideas down as writing it down will make it more real to your mindset. List all the things that are important to you and you hold dear e.g. Family, walking the dog, traveling, self development …dare to dream and listen to your inner voice – get it down on paper.

Step 3. When you have written your key values down you will see the pattern to what you truly want from life and see a goal you can set. The next thing is to figure out how to get it – bare in mind it does have to be an achievable goal!

Step 4. Start by making a list of little steps/things you can start doing to get one step nearer to your goal every day. Little steps lead to a life times journey.

Follow these 4 steps and you will be on the road to inner happiness and success. If you need a little help why not arrange a Skype or phone session with me. Drop me an email to arrange a suitable time for a complimentary 15 minute coaching session I am offering through the month of September at teresa@tbctraining.co.uk with Coaching offer in the subject line.

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Building Confidence course Nr Exeter Devon UK

Blog posts

7 ways to Increase your Confidence

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

It never stops to amaze me when I am in Exeter Devon and Bristol talking to company directors, CEO’s, HR folks through to the person on the shop floor how lacking in confidence they can be.

The higher up in a business a person is the more they try to hide their lack of confidence and suffer in silence, true what they say – it can be lonely at the top!

There are so many people suffering in silence from lack of confidence, you would be surprised, in fact what seems to you to be the most confidence person can really be quaking in their boots at times! Isn’t it Funny how sometimes you can feel relaxed and comfortable in some situations yet in others a nervous wreck! It can almost be down to the mood you feel in at given time. Be good to know how to pull it out of the bag when you most need it wouldn’t it so here are 7 tips which I hope will help you along your way.

1.Check your inner voice, is it telling you positive things or pulling you back with negative jibber jabber? If its the negative voice you need to dispel those thoughts and turn them into positive affirmations. E.g. “I cant do it” into “I can do it”. The more you tell yourself you can do something it will condition your mind to believe it.

2. Adopt a good posture. Stand up straight, shoulders back head up, chin out slightly. Look forward not down, positive confident people always look ahead or up. Relax and remember yo breathe!

3. Use your imagination to visualize yourself being a positive person. See yourself as a confident positive person doing things you want to be doing. This helps to program your brain into thinking that you have done it before.Your brain does not know the difference of visualizing and actually having done something,so when you actually come to do whatever it is you have been visualizing your brain will think you have done it before.

4. Learn to say “No”. I bet you are always being asked to do do favour’s for others if you lack confidence. People lacking confidence have a tendency to please others to gain self gratification. We all love to be liked, however it is important to realise the difference of being genuinely liked and being taken for granted otherwise you will be a doormat and forever running around after other people getting nothing in return but worn out!

5. Read up on self confidence. Paul McKenna wrote an excellent book called Instant confident which also has a CD inside to listen to that I highly recommend. The more you educate yourself about something the less fear it will hold over you.

6. Take a course in learning how to become that confident person trying to come through. Most achievable things in life are all about having the confidence to do it. You can learn some really useful techniques to help you overcome your fears and find whats holding you back.

7. Get out of your comfort zone, be brave and take the plunge. Once you have achieved something you thought you could never do, no matter how big or small it will start to increase your confidence.

Well I hope you find these 7 tips helpful and begin to let that confident person shine through.

For professional help TBC Training run one day courses on confidence building in Exeter, Devon and Bristol. These are held at out side venues or in house. We can also build bespoke courses for you.

Please contact us for further information or to book onto our next fabulous course please follow this link.

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Sleep problems - training course Exeter Devon

Blog posts

Sick and tired of not getting a good nights sleep?

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

Many business people I have spoken to recently here in Exeter Devon  have reported not getting a good nights sleep and having sleep problems as one of their top concerns. We all know what its like having to concentrating the next day at work and finding it really hard due to being tired. How different it feels to wake refreshed and ready to hit the ground running after a good nights sleep.

Sleep problems are often caused by anxiety and stress related issues they can be viewed as bad habits and, like all bad habits, can be unlearned and replaced with good habits; i.e. falling asleep easily and enjoying a proper night’s sleep.

Sleep problems usually fall into two categories:

1.Not being able to fall asleep at night.

2.Waking up at an inconveniently early hour and not being able to fall asleep again.

Listen to my free Podcast to get a few tips on sleeping.

I think most of us have had this experience at some point in our lives but for some it is a chronic complaint.  I am proud to say that I have helped clients who had been suffering for some 20 years or more.  For some tips on getting to sleep listen to my podcast below

Insomnia can be seen as difficulty getting to sleep or waking in the early hours and having trouble getting back to sleep. Interestingly it seems to be more common in women than men, it is thought that up to a third of adults in the UK have insomnia at some point and seems to be more of an issue as we age.

It is quite difficult to know what is a normal nights sleep as everyone is different, some only need a few hours as in Mrs Thatchers case (only about 2hrs) and others need a good eight. The most common factors that can be blamed for insomnia are stress and anxiety and seem to be the main culprits.

Once the root of this is conquered good sleep hygiene can commence. Because your unconscious mind has learnt to stay awake from a formed habit it thinks it is the thing to do when you go to bed, this is something that we can change with hypnosis.  We have a high success rate for treating insomnia.

The most common symptoms of insomnia are:

Finding difficulty getting off to sleep waking up early in the morning

Waking in the morning feeling as though you have not slept and feeling irritable, tired, and finding yourself unable to function and focus during the day.

So what is sleep and why do we need it? Sleep is a natural state of unconsciousness where we all need to spend some time in order to let our body repair and rest. Whilst you are sleeping your body goes through cycles of light, deep sleep and dreaming (although you may not remember dreaming), other wise known as rapid eye movement (REM).  These cycles last on average around 90 minutes in duration. Lack of sleep can lower your immunity and lead to other complications.

How we can help you?

By giving you techniques to help with both categories of sleep problem we can help you to improve your sleep patterns significantly. This in turn will alleviate the indirect effects of  sleep problems, such as daytime anxiety and bruxism (teeth grinding during the night).

Book onto one of our half day courses to learn simple techniques to get you back into a healthy sleep mode or speak to your HR dept to get us into your work place for a group session. Phone today on 01363 775935 or email teresa@tbctraining for more details.  We look forward to hearing from you.

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Stress reduction in the workplace- training course Exeter Devon

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Stress related issues in the workplace?

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

Did you know that stress has become a not-so silent epidemic and is slowly draining businesses financially around the world?

According to one study in America it affects around thirty million workers a year costing their employers $15,000 per year, per affected employee!  In 2002 the European Survey of Working Conditions showed that the annual EU cost related to absenteeism due to work place stress was £20,000 million… [https://osha.europa.eu/en/tools-and publications/publications/reports/TE-81-08-478-EN-C_OSH_in_figures_stress_at_work]

In a study performed every five years by the European Foundation for the Improvement of Living and Working Conditions it was documented as being second in line for the ‘crown’ of most common workplace threat; one place behind musculoskeletal conditions.   Their 2010 survey showed that stress in the workplace affects 23% men and 20% of women in all areas aside from anxiety which was reflected as being more of an issue within the women’s category.

Stress itself became a standalone concept, defined as ‘a non-specific response of the organism to any pressure of demand’, in the 1930’s via Hans Selye.  Psychology and other social and scientific sources took on this new concept and made it their own over the proceeding years and it soon become an ailment all of its own.   In the workplace  it is now recognised as being caused by a number of more specific issues than Selye’s ‘pressure or demand’.  They include: Lack of control Lack of social support Ambiguity of the role excessive demand Role and workplace conflict Lack of direction and development opportunities Job insecurity Psychological issues such as bullying and/or violence Personal issues (divorce, separation, children, parents, abuse etc) In other words, as with any situation in life, if the requirement of a person goes above and far beyond their natural coping capability then a natural response is triggered and we now call this response stress.

These responses can come about in any number of ways from psychological such as anger, anxiety, depression and lowered self esteem; physiological such as panic attacks due to a raised heart or breathing rate and behavioural such as inability to perform tasks,  a dependency on substances such as alcohol and drugs and a rise in mistakes, accidents and absence. It is clear that workplace stress is not a small subject which can be easily rectified with a weekly meeting!  Each employee will be experiencing their own causes and build up of stress and their behaviour will, as a result, come out in totally unique and personal ways…so how can (and should) employers be helping their workers, and themselves, deal with this epidemic? According to the government website, Health and Safety Executive [http://www.hse.gov.uk/stress/furtheradvice/legalresponsibility.htm] it comes down to the responsibility of many, including the employees themselves.

At board level, directors must monitor rates of absenteeisms and staff turn over, as well as any issues amongst staff members themselves and poor performance, all of which are direct factors pointing to stress related issues.  They must have a clear and concise health and safety policy in place and as and when required, a strategy to deal with employee stress management. Human Resources are in a position to assist their employers in dealing quickly and efficiently with related issues in the workplace in many ways including staying up to date on current workplace stress practices, sourcing evidence of specific employee issues, drawing up and providing related information to employees and and reporting concerns to directors and managers as and when necessary. Line managers much be proactive in addressing stress related absenteeism and workplace issues by monitoring their staff, identifying when an employee is having issues and documenting the evidence before reporting their concerns to the appropriate personnel.

Employees themselves are in the best possible position to help themselves when it comes to workplace stress issues.  By being open about any pressures they feel are putting them at risk of stress related ailments, discussing ways to assist in putting an end to the stress and taking active advantage of any stress related assistance their employers offer, employees can ensure that they are working in a happier and more relaxed environment each day.

TBC Training offer your business the answer for keeping stress levels to the minimum by regular visits to your work place, providing group relaxation techniques, one to one coaching and hypnotherapy. For details of this please e mail teresa@tbctraining.co.uk or telephone 01363 775936 or book onto our 1 day course at TBC Training centre near Exeter Devon to learn techniques to keep you relaxed and in control.

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