How to ask effectively

TBC Training Blog posts How to ask effectively
How to ask effectively

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How to ask effectively

Posted By Teresa Bulford-Cooper

Communication skills, soft skills, business, confidenceHow many times have you wanted to ask someone for something but to afraid to ask incase you dont ask effectively? Most people have an in built fear of hearing the word NO. My Father always used to tell me “if you don’t ask you don’t get”. How true this is. You would be amazed at the reaction you will get by straight forward asking for exactly what you want. Ask exactly but in a nice way so there is no confusion to how it can be interpreted. The person being asked must be under no doubt of what you are asking.

Whilst working with Dr Bandler (co inventor of NLP) many years ago he quite rightly stated that we Brits have a habit of going round the houses to ask a simple question or give an explanation to why we can’t have/want/to do something. We are excellent at talking ourselves out of things we would like to have or do. The inner saboteur is so strong within and if allowed to get it’s own way all dreams and wishes drift out of the window!


There are ways of asking and other ways of asking, the sales people reading this may well know all about those, for the rest of us I will explain.

By softening the asking it will be accepted in a more approved way than if just telling. For example if I wanted someone to move a car blocking the road and the person is just sitting there so that I could not drive past I might tap on their window and say something like
“Hello ( with a smile and nice tonality), I am just wondering how long it might be before you move as I would like to get past please?”.

This is a much more acceptable ask than sitting there waiting for the person to move, getting impatient and losing your rag, shouting at them to get out the ******* way! – all that does is raise your blood pressure and rile the other person who will then probably do something else to wind you up further!

Communication is the name of the game. When teaching NLP at the Practice (which I do with small groups) one of the things I teach is how to use various techniques in communicating with different types of people in different situations to bring about a positive reaction.



By types I mean those that communicate via different senses – listening, seeing, or kinesthetically.

We all have a preferred way of communicating and the key is to find out which one the listener uses.

For instance, a listener, or auditory-orientated person may say to you “I hear what you’re saying”.
A visual will say something like “I see what you’re saying”, whereas a Kinesthetic will say something like “I get the feeling of what you’re saying”.
By adjusting to their language you will find that communication between you will become easier.

When talking to a group of people it is wise to use all three modalities (well there’s actually 5 but I am only going into 3 here) to make it inclusive.

This is so effective in many areas of life, not just in the working environment – its essential in your private life as well! If you are not using the same underlying language you are not singing from the same song sheet!

To enhance your communication skills sign up to one of our courses today and I will look forward to seeing you there.



Written by Teresa Bulford-Cooper

Former Harley Street practitioner Teresa has trained extensively in London and USA with Paul McKenna and the co founder of NLP, Doctor Richard Bandler. She is a licensed NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer Trainer, a fully qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist, having trained also with the London College of Clinical Hypnotherapy where she was awarded the certificate, Diploma and Practitioner Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy. She was a tutor with the London College of Hypnotherapy and a Mentor for the Society of Biology and BIP. She is very proud to be a STEM Ambassador and Youth Coach, helping teachers in schools and Colleges to get the younger generation to become confident capable leaders of the future. She has studied for 2 Coaching Diploma’s with The prestigous Coaching Academy London. Teresa’s background is in Science and Biology. A graduate of Oxford Brookes University where she read and achieved a BSc (Hons) she went on to gain a MSc in Science with the Open University. She then studied at Exeter University for a PGCE as a Further Education Teacher and Lecturer. Teresa has set up and run many successful business over 2 decades, her passion in life is to help people and pass on her knowledge for which she has a very high success rate – she would love to take the opportunity to work with you with any issues you may be struggling with in business.

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